Adolescent’s mental health (Part 5)
S.Meera
meera.sathyamurthy@gmail.com
Emotions in Adolescents
Let us first understand the terminologies of emotions & feelings before we get into managing them or maintain good emotional health.
Emotions are responses associated with bodily reactions. They are innate qualities of human beings.
External and Internal factors elicit emotions. Emotions are not conscious but instead manifest in the unconscious mind. Lasts for 6 secs to complete the cycle of brain to body response.
Feelings are the conscious experience of emotional reactions. They are sparked by emotions and shaped by personal experiences, beliefs, memories, and thoughts linked to that particular emotion
Ex: “Sad” is emotion. “crying, silence” are feelings.
Feelings are under our control whereas Emotions are not. Feelings lasts longer than emotions.
Good and Stable Emotional Health is a state of mind in which an individual
a. realizes one’s own potential,
b. can cope with the normal stresses of life,
c. can work productively and fruitfully, and
d. is able to contribute to oneself and community
Negative Emotions: fear, sad, angry, anxiety etc. Positive Emotions: happy, hope, gratitude, love, forgiveness etc. Neutral Emotions: boredom, empathy, craving etc
We are now looking at one critical emotion disturbing majority of adolescents, which is anger.
What is Anger?
Anger is natural response to feeling 1. Frustrated: Not getting what we want, especially if we are expecting to get it 2. that others do not respect us or care how we feel
Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. Among the different types of anger, the Satwik anger is harmless to self but for a cause or correction of the other person ex: outrage at the injustices of the world — whether it’s the destruction of the environment, oppression of human rights, cruelty towards animals, violence in the community, or an abusive relationship at home
Causes of Anger
Inappropriate development of life skills to handle changes, situations or respond to people
1. Sadness – family or friends arguing, no one to talk to, death of a close one, change of location, long distance relationships, etc.
2. Fear – failure in exam, worry participating in activities, sick family member, personal illness, etc.
3. Frustration – low academic/professional performance, underdeveloped social skills, physical development/abilities, comparison to high-achieving fellow mates, sense of lack of control, etc.
4. Guilt – sexual abuse victimization, let someone down, hurt someone (emotionally or physically), failure to follow directions, etc.
5. Disappointment – didn’t get chosen for a group activity, poor performance, change in plans, financial limitations, etc.
6. Embarrassment – social – in front of peer groups, physical appearance, feeling “stupid”, feeling “worthless”, awkwardness in social situations, low social skills, etc.
7. Jealousy – comparison- friendships, siblings, classmates, parents ‘or friends’ time/attention, possessions, social status, etc.
8. Hurt – abandonment, break-up of friendship/relationship, rejection, peer or family betrayal, etc.
9. Anxiety – inconsistency, poor boundaries, social pressure, personal expectations, biological – anxiety disorders, etc.
10. Shame – Inability to meet the expectations of others, Abuse (emotional/physical/sexual), Substance abuse (self or family), Previous disciplinary action, inability to control behaviors. Etc.
How to manage anger?
The purpose is to help a person decrease anger and not suppress. It reduces the emotional and physical arousal that anger can cause. It is generally impossible to avoid all people and settings that incite anger. But one may learn to control reactions and respond in a socially appropriate manner.
The goal of anger management is to teach people how to examine their triggers. It also helps people adjust how they look at situations, provided individuals are willing to change.
Some techniques used in anger management therapy include:
1. Acknowledge That You Have a Problem: you need to do is to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you have a problem.
2. Use Your Support Network- Let close friends and family know, about the changes that you're trying to make. They can motivate and support you if you lapse into old behaviours. You can alleviate stress when you spend time with people you care about to control your anger.
3. Impulse Control - When you start to feel angry, try the following techniques:
a. Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing (explained in previous issues)
b. Count to 20 before you respond.
c. Manage negative thoughts with imagery/Visualization technique (previous issue)
d. Distract yourself from your anger – visit your favourite website, play a song that you like, daydream about a hobby that you enjoy, or take a walk.
e. Self-talk - look only at the facts, it may be unproductive to respond with anger, observe about the person or situation, not what you're inferring about someone's motivations or intentions. Does this situation deserve your attention? And is your anger justified here?
f. Use Empathy - If another person is the source of your anger, use empathy to see the situation from his or her perspective.
4. Use thought log to trace the anger and do course correction.
This needs some amount of hand holding, to see evidences against what you feel. But, talking to support network, you can get lots of different perspectives.
Example of Angry log – Event 1
Create such rows for all events which have triggered your anger.
5 See the Humour in Your Anger -Learn to laugh at yourself and do not take everything seriously.
Ex: imagine that you're angry because your mother cooked vegetable that you hated.
To catastrophize the situation, you think, "Wow, she must be either trying to flood the days with same vegetable either for me to change or rest of the family members to start hating the vegetable."
When you imagine a ridiculous and overblown version of the story, you'll likely find yourself smiling by the end of it.
6. Relax: Little things should not bother you. Remember one principle, mindfully let go of things that you can’t control and creatively think of solutions for those that you can control. If you learn to calm down, you have energy to focus on creative thinking. Regular exercise can help you relax in tense situations. When possible, go for a walk, or stretch. You will also feel more relaxed when you get enough sleep and eat a healthy diet. Dehydration can often lead to irritability too, so keep hydrated throughout the day by drinking plenty of water.
7- Build Trust - Angry people can be cynical. They can believe that others do things on purpose to annoy or frustrate them, even before anything happens. However, people often focus less on you than you might think!
Build trust with friends and colleagues. That way, you'll be less likely to get angry with them when something goes wrong. To build trust, be honest with people. Explain your actions or decisions when you need to, and always keep your word. If you do this consistently, people will learn that they can trust you. They'll also follow your lead, and you'll learn that you can trust them in return.
8- Listen Effectively - Miscommunication contributes to frustrating situations. The better you listen to what someone says, the easier it is to find a resolution that doesn't involve an angry response.
9- Be Assertive - When you're aggressive, you focus on winning. You care little for others' feelings, rights, and needs. When you're assertive, you focus on balance. You're honest about what you want, and you respect the needs of others. Let other people know your expectations, boundaries, and issues. When you do, you'll find that you develop self-confidence, gain respect, and improve your relationships.
10- Live Each Day as If It's Your Last - If you spend all of your time getting angry, you're going to miss the many joys and surprises that life offers, destroys relationship, or caused you to miss a happy day with friends and family. That's time that you'll never get back.
11- Forgive and Forget - It’s not easy to forget past resentments, but the only way to move on is to let go of these feelings. You should be alert not to get victimized next time but at the same time, don’t hold onto events as thought baggage. The mind becomes garbage bin and there will be less space for good thoughts that are essential for your growth and development.
12 Observational Learning – Do observe how other people respond in situations which are irritable to you. This learning is the most effective and quickest form of learning. You need to hone your life skills till death.
